I do not know how to describe my situation at the moment. I am breathing, its proof for my existence. I just read a few words sent from somebody near, which pierced through and through me. When sweet tears flooded my eyes and slowly ran down my cheeks i was a bit releived, i sat down to blog.
In class, some of my friends grow dull at times. Then i become so much frustrated thinking wether i am the cause for their low spirits and for the sorrow on their face. I then grow highly restless in mind. And i keep nagging them and myself askin wether i caused the worry. From this i realized how much of a burden i have been to many of my frnds in the past.
Bcz till a yr b4, i used to go out of mood as and wen i felt owing to many reasons that concerned solely myself. One of my friends told me straight on my face that she got bored with such an odd behaviour of mine wen i told her that i am helpless. Then she told me that she too had such mood-offs but its upto us to fight against it. At that time it was uncomprehendable for me.
When i repeatedly became the victim of such mood-offs on some of my dear frnds, i relaized how much it affects the near ones. I slowly began to change myself without my knowledge - i started to hide all my bitter emotions within myself. Of course, God was a refuge, but having somebody to lean upon is so much a blessing - which i dint have or i refused. Displaying my emotions made me lose ppl from my life. Nowadays, i dont know how i have changed this much. When i am in midst of problems that shake me like anything, wen i see my frnds, my classmates i am able to give them a bright smile, talk to them as they wish me to as usual. Once when i opened a bit to my frnds they asked me "then how do u go arnd happily like this? I can never be so. Tats y i go so dull at times." I replied saying "Its better with me. Bcz wen i reveal my emotions it makes u all also feel uncomfortable. It makes me lose ppl frm my life."
Now doing this over and over again, i am a person within whom a lot of emotions r buried deep within. My present sorrow too finds no place to empty itself in this world other than in the form of big tear drops wetting my cheeks and dress badly at the moment. When people look on me i am the kid-like girl crying aloud for silly mattters, laughing loud, but did anybody ever look under all this to know me? So far, nobody did. I only get hurt more and more - but i want to be hurt more.
I pray, "Lord, do u see ur dear child here so helpless? I am tired Lord, be with me Lord. Wipe my tears Lord. Dont forsake me kindly."
I am worn out. I know this isnt the end of life. But for now i am entirely tired.
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3 comments:
Sorrows = Part of life. :-)
They come, they go. You must learn to face them; brutally fight their aggression and return with your head held high!
I see a sensitive trait to your character. Matter-of-fact, I'm probably a notch more sensitive.
Today's stressed enviornment, and demanding life brings in countless sorrows. Perhaps the people around us are too engrossed in their own problems, to lend an ear to ours. We must learn to tackle our sorrows and emotions ourselves.
And yeah, use your head more than your heart when you're sorrowful. It'll help you out. Trust me, chechi! :D
thanks a lot young man!
neways now i m back to normal.
i knew i'd be back, still i wanted to know at a later pt in life how i felt that day wen i was all worried...So i feel this post will be a reminder forever.
Ah, Good to hear that.
Speaking of which, did you start anonymous postings? :D Don't ask how I guessed it! :P
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