I am facing the toughest times of my life i feel. Now i just shudder when i doubt whether tougher times will ever encounter me. There was a day when i ran out of my home not knowing what to do. There are moments when i desire that i can end up life. But i am hanging on - better days will come, wont they?
Its quite mystifying that happiness and peace are created and destroyed by oneself. But i am unable to restore what i have lost. People made me think that i am a grave sinner who is forsaken by God. The days i rambled hopelessly never feeling God's hand to strengthen me or to lead me or even to comfort me faintly - i never knew the meaning of my existence. It was then that i went for Suresh Babu's prayer in Polio Home on Sunday 3:00 pm and at the subsequent prayer by Raju uncle from NY that i was filled by the presence of God. I was extremely happy then.
But now again i am losing myself. I cannot study a word. I am writing GATE this Sunday but i cannot prepare anything. All my life is going haywire. Thats what worries me most. I like to have a fresh start. But how? I cannot make one step towards propgression in my life. My every step is taking me backward. My eyes are welled up with tears many times when i contemplate on myself.
The days are too trying. I will turn 21 on Feb 22nd. But i know some good things are infact on the way. I must cling on to life - without feeling so hopeless everytime. I must hang on till those good times come in.
_ Small Wonder
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